Many of my clients have been complaining about the lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough at work to being unable to diet, quit smoking or get out of bed in the morning. They want to achieve positive and negative motivations, positive motivations and motivations to do something; Negative motivations towards NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).
Almost invariably, the method they have tried before (without success) has been to beat him. This happens through a negative internal dialogue, such as: “You are a lazy person, you will never get anywhere.” “You have to do this, whether you like it or not”; or “no one will love you until you do.” Sometimes, they’ve tried to bribe or persuade themselves, which works for a while, but fails sooner or later. Sometimes they have been pushed by someone else, such as a motivational group, hypnosis, a parent or surrogate parent, who will insist that they behave.
This third option works quite well for some people for a long time. However, the nature of this persuasion is to master the client’s natural process, and the people who come to me come because they have rebelled against the authority of that person or group, and find that they cannot do what they would like now. because of his rebellion! The truth is that if we believe that someone else is pressuring us, we are unlikely to respond cooperatively. Especially when the “aggressive person” is oneself!
The fact is, no matter how unpleasant and angry these people are with themselves, they cannot motivate themselves. Together, my clients and I have had tremendous and verifiable success with these issues, and each client who has worked with me has successfully motivated himself, both “negative motivation” and “positive motivation.” The reason for such success is that creating motivation is easy.
I maintain that motivation stems from celebration and appreciation. I like to express it as an equation: celebration + appreciation = motivation
By this I mean that if you can find a way to appreciate yourself for what you have already accomplished and celebrate your past successes (and believe them, you CAN find a way), you will find that you are “magically” motivated to achieve more. No struggle, no hassle, it is accomplished with the sheer fun of success! To illustrate what I mean, I will describe two potential employers. The “bad boss” and the “good boss”.
The bad boss
-Operates through intimidation and criticism …
-He always complains; never praises (you just know you’re doing well because the boss doesn’t say anything)
-It gets nasty if you make a mistake
-Humbles you in front of others
-Never think you have done enough
-Assume you are lazy and dishonest
-Change the rules arbitrarily
-You are never satisfied with contentment
(Get the picture?)
The good boss
-Always warns you when you’re okay
-It asks you what you need when you make a mistake;
-It is very useful
-You are concerned about your well-being and productivity.
-Suppose you want to do a good job
-It helps you feel part of the team
-Treats you as a valued human being
-It is clear about the duties expected of you.
Both bosses have the same goal: to get the job done. However, there is a big difference in the success of their individual management styles. Think about your likely reaction to both management styles. The bad boss’s office is characterized by tension and anger. People only work to keep the boss off their backs and consequently tease whenever he / she is not around. They are not efficient, because they are not motivated to achieve anything, simply to avoid the boss’s anger. They are operating in a state of mind that we call “adaptation,” which focuses on keeping someone (usually someone angry or unpleasant) off their backs.
They have little allegiance to anything other than their paychecks, and perhaps to each other, as battered prisoners are loyal to each other when confronted by the jailer. Offices characterized by inefficiency and lack of harmony. If this boss requires extra time, he / she meets resistance.
If you were working for this boss, how would you feel? Would you go to work happy every day? Would you volunteer for an extra job? Would you wait for each new assignment? Probably not. In short, you wouldn’t feel very motivated, would you?
On the other hand, good boss employees tend to worry about themselves and their jobs. They are proud of their achievements and eager to learn more and achieve more. If the boss is gone, the work continues, because people are in a motivated state of mind and are satisfied with their sense of accomplishment. When this boss requests overtime, he will find a cooperative response.
Again, take a moment and imagine yourself in this situation. How would you feel? Would you feel anxious to please this boss? Would you expect their reaction to your last job? Would you be willing to help if additional work is needed? Chances are you are excited and motivated, looking forward to working every day.
Notice the difference in your energy in the two situations. Which boss would you prefer to work for? Hopefully, it’s as obvious to you as it is to me. I would prefer the good boss (only the names I’ve chosen for the two styles have probably made it obvious).
In the daily tasks and situations of our lives, we become our own bosses; whether we know it or not. We have the option to choose what type of boss we want to be for ourselves. If you decide how most of my clients (and me) have, you will choose to become the good boss for yourself. This means that he learns to treat himself with kindness and understanding, being very generous with praise, and gentle with corrections. Then you will achieve your goals with pride and achievement, and with great pleasure. You will feel motivated and wonder why you never realized how easy it was.
All of this can be accomplished through the two “magic motivators”: celebration and appreciation. Most of us know how to appreciate others. However, when it comes to ourselves, we feel embarrassed and uncomfortable if we are too generous with the praise.
Years of being told not to brag or get hooked when we were young have taken their toll, and self-esteem is uncomfortable. However, if motivation is a desirable trait, self-esteem also becomes necessary and desirable. The good news is that you can learn it.
If you want to learn self-esteem and it is difficult for you, I recommend practicing in several ways. Many of my clients have found it fun to buy small gold star stickers (just like in elementary school) and reward themselves for a job well done or for the accomplishments they want to celebrate. Pasting the stars on a calendar daily can be very effective. Go ahead, reward yourself a lot!
There are other types of stickers available. One of my clients was rewarded for being successful in his feeding program with little stickers depicting jelly beans, chocolates, and ice cream cones! She received her dessert in praise instead of calories.
Also, it can be effective to remember childhood parties and celebrations. One of my clients was told never to make noise because her grandmother was sick. However, she was allowed to play her accordion as hard as she wanted when practicing. To this day, playing your accordion feels like a celebration and an opportunity for it to sound. Early birthday parties or holidays that were special can also be used to get ideas. If Mom always cooked a turkey for a big occasion, or set the table with the best china, or if she served a bottle of champagne, then those ingredients can indicate celebration and achievement.
Crepe paper streamers, banners, candles, balloons, flowers, special clothing (your fanciest shoes, a new hat), gatherings of friends, trophies, diplomas and prizes can
If you’re nervous on the first day of the new job, celebrate completing the day with sparkling apple juice or diet soda served in your best champagne flutes and candlelight on the table. Put some gold stars on your calendar to complete a difficult task. Buy your little one a trophy engraved with his name to clean his room for a whole month.
There are not many compliments or celebrations. Is there too much motivation? Of course not, the more the better. Fresh flowers on the table just to say how much you appreciate you can do a lot to make you happier any day. A new shoddy romance novel can be a great reward / celebration for reading your required technical books.
The important point is that celebrating what you have already accomplished will create motivation to accomplish more.
Be creative with your celebrations, have fun. Celebrate a treasured friendship with an impromptu picnic lunch and balloon. Above all, have fun. That is the goal!
If you happen to be around someone who takes command and tells you what you should be doing, or comments that don’t ask you about how you’re doing things wrong, or else designate yourself as the boss in your life, You can find your newly created motivation tiled. Remember to fire them as your boss. It is YOUR life, and you are doing what you are doing because you WANT. You don’t need to give anyone else a better reason than yourself.
Once you’ve fired this self-proclaimed boss, you may need to remind yourself how much you’ve accomplished without that kind of help. Celebrate your independence, your spirit, your willingness to be responsible for yourself.
It is also possible to configure informative books, articles, television authorities, gurus, etc. as your boss, in which case, you will find your motivation again. These informational aids can be helpful, but only if you keep them in perspective.
Remember, the boss gets information on how to handle things, educates himself, seeks help when needed, BUT the boss is still in charge. The information is available for your use, but no expert (no, not even a therapist) can tell if the information is right for you.
If you remember who the boss is, you will use the information with prudence and discretion, rejecting anything that does not suit your style or personality. You will use it to support and promote your goals, and to help celebrate your achievements.
When you find your motivation is dwindling, look around at how you are doing as your boss. Are you using a motivating and supportive style? Have you let someone else take over your authority? Is there any appreciation you need?
Take a few minutes with you every day just to appreciate it. It is easy, fun and very effective. Imagine living every day with energy and motivation!