Consider a primary relationship in your life where you love someone and they love you. This could be an intimate partnership, a parent-child relationship, or a very close friendship. These are the two things you should avoid if you want to make sure that love is present at all times.
Killer relationship # 1:
First of all, you should never expect that because someone loves you, they need to sacrifice for you and prioritize your needs. We often mistakenly think that the degree to which someone suffers is a testament to the amount of love they have for us. Similarly, we mistakenly believe that if someone puts their needs first, they don’t love us. But that is not true at all. If I refuse to sacrifice myself for you, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means that I’m clear on what works for me and what doesn’t, and I don’t mess with my own needs. Please don’t take this personally. However, I love you, but I certainly don’t have to suffer to show my love for you. Also, if you doubt it, chances are no matter how much I suffer, you will never believe me anyway. Get this: Your partner having fun while you’re in trouble doesn’t mean they don’t love you. The people who love you do not owe you any suffering on their part when things are not working for you. So don’t be jealous when your loved one is with friends while working hard or cooking alone at home. No one needs to put their own lives on hold just because yours is (even when they really love you!). Of course, you can ask for help. That is perfectly reasonable. But asking someone to sacrifice and suffer so they can feel loved, that is totally irrational. And it’s a murderous safe relationship.
Killer relationship # 2:
The other way to kill a relationship is by trying to show your love for someone by sacrificing your own needs and suffering as a consequence. Look, every time you suffer, there is no true love to speak of. If you were doing something for someone because you wanted to and because you loved him unconditionally, you would not be suffering. But if you sacrifice yourself out of obligation and / or guilt, unconditional love disappears and you are likely to expect something in return. In other words, you try to manipulate someone into loving you again by doing things for them that they then have to pay you back for. Unfortunately, you are playing a game thinking that you can control another person’s feelings and buy their love. Of course, the result is just the opposite: you are slowly but surely killing the relationship. So stop that right away by starting to put yourself and your needs first. Find your own truth and start honoring it. Understand that you are allowed to have a good time without feeling guilty when your partner is unwilling or unable to participate. Of course, you can support them when they feel depressed. But you don’t have to suffer with them or else you will resent and kill the relationship as a result.
Love must be free: without attachments, without suffering, without exchanging favors and without feelings of obligation and guilt.
Love must be independent: I love you and I put myself first; you love me and you put yourself first; we love each other and yet we honor our independent needs.
Love must be by choice: I love you as I want, not as I feel I have to.
Vyara Bridgeman is an Advanced BodyTalk Certified Practitioner who works with patients around the world suffering from a variety of physical, mental and emotional conditions. To learn more about Vyara’s BodyTalk practice, what her clients say about her, and how it can help her achieve a balanced body-mind, visit: http://www.BodyTalk4Life.com
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